Sunday, October 30, 2011

Annual Lessons

When Momma died near the end of 2009, God showered His grace on us in countless ways. When a precious friend's father died in 2010, I asked God to give her a double portion of that grace to live through the time following her loss. He did just that! Last year was a lesson in God's amazing grace.
This year has been a lesson in trust. Do I really trust Him? I find myself often looking at the collage Ted made of Momma's smiling face and constantly asking God what was His purpose in taking her. I confess that many times I feel like I am complaining to Him because He won't show me the big picture. He hasn't chosen to tell me why she had to die. He just asks me to trust Him that He DOES know what is best for me and my family. Then, Ted's job changed in such a way that he is now gone every week. This hasn't happened in the near 20 years of our marriage. Every-time he leaves I keep telling myself and God that I can handle this. I can be mature about it and not panic. I must tell you that has yet to happen. I can't sleep at night, I get miserable and resentful until he returns. I am not trusting God to keep him or me safe. I don't trust Him to know what is best for us. I am so glad that a few months back God led me to a devotional book written by a very insightful missionary in Spain. He personally gave me the book and I have thanked God ever since. God has used those lessons at the exact time I need them. The underlying theme so far has been trusting God. Now, maybe there are other themes, but that is what God is gently showing me over and over again. Trust Him, simply trust Him.
So, this week when Ted leaves again, I am going to finally try to apply this lesson and trust God and sleep in peace.
If by chance, I get willful and stubborn I know that I have only misery as my reward.
So why in the world am I telling you all of this? Because, this blog is to help others with the lessons God has shown us.
Grace, now trust.... I hope I learn trust before the year is over so that God can move me onto the next annual lesson....I want to keep growing in Him... Do you??!!

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