Two years ago today our lives changed abruptly. Our hearts were torn and our prayers were mere sobs. God has given living grace to us just as much as He gives dying grace. This week I have tried to be stoic, I don't know why just didn't want to always cry.
Ted was out of town and traveling back a long distance this morning. I know he knew what day it was, but I am not sure if he realized that to have him out of town just like he was 2 years ago and also driving back at the same time Momma went to Heaven was very unsettling for me. I was so worried he would fall asleep at the wheel or have an accident before he made it home safely. I did not want to say anything to him about his trip or that it was the anniversary of his mother's Homegoing. I went to work today on autopilot. I think being sick with a cold and feeling blah was a blessing in disguise for I was too numb to feel the heartache.
James has his first girlfriend and I do not feel equipped for this. It has made me think back on what it might have been like for Momma all those years ago. She mothered, mentored, and molded me being a model of a virtuous woman who loved her Lord. I miss her comfort and her wisdom, I keep thinking she would know how to handle each situation or at least we would work it out together. I can only hope that I will be the kind of mother in law that she was to me.
So many saints in our church have stepped into glory in the past 2 years and my heart yearns for my turn. Then I think of all the people who won't get to go because they haven't accepted or have outright rejected our Loving Lord. I know I need to stay here until our Lord returns or calls me Home so that I can tell others.
God doesn't make mistakes, and we don't need to know all the answers, but He does send comfort along if we only keep our eyes and hearts open to His gentle care for us.
He has taught me so much in my life, but when He took Momma to be with Him, it allowed me to learn even more intimately about Him and how to grow in ways that I was not before this.
So as I contemplate Momma and all that has happened hurts, and heartache and all I do find comfort.
May the God of all comfort be with you now and forever, Amen!